It’s that time of the year, we’ve saved up all our spare cash, now it’s time to book that two week break. Time to chill, time to relax, time to piss off the locals – and other holiday makers, by the power of grey skull you will make the most of that holiday, no matter who you upset, offend or fall in love with!
Brits are known the world over for being loud, obnoxious, drunk, lewd and generally capable of making a nuisance of themselves, especially on an all inclusive as they feel they need to drink what they paid for their holiday in watered down local beer, spirits and cocktails.
Germans have the bad press of putting towels on sun loungers, creeping down in the middle of the night to get the best beds, only to find that the Brit coming home at daft o’clock has thrown them in the pool, for a laugh.
Italians are loud, very loud. They feel the need to shout even when the person they are talking to is sat right next to them and tend to be overly expressive with arms and hand gestures.
The Orientals appear to want to take photos of everything, whether it is of historical interest, as if it the last time they will see the outside of their own country.
I recently did one of those where in the world, have you been to things. I was surprised to learn that I have been to 122 cities in 22 countries, which may have increased as have moved continents again! But I would like to add that I don’t see myself as well travelled, just very lucky to have the opportunity to see the world, or at least a bit of it.
Back to that all important holiday, herded like cattle at the airport, 3 hours before your flight is due – have to keep those people in Duty Free in jobs. Jostled to the plane, unless of course you have Speedy Boarding, then you get to go to the bun fight first for the best seats on certain airlines. Cramped and uncomfortable seats, although saying that, the flight from Cairo to Istanbul on Turkish Airlines, was quite possible one of the best flights, comfy chairs, free tv and ear phones, free meal and soft drinks – all included in the price. Ok so I will admit, the food wasn’t up to much but thenit was free, so who am I to complain.
Flight lands and the doors open to new surroundings, depending on where you land the drastic change in temperature, and the journey to collect your luggage. Filling out of visa forms, hang on, did I I just do one of these on the plane? Sure I did, but this one is slightly different, or is it?
Customs done and onto the magic roundabout to collect your luggage, fingers crossed that it actually made it to your destination and that no one else has the same bag as you. Whay hay, mission accomplished, bags in hand you walk out into the sea of holiday reps, all waving placards and boards with different names, hotels, holiday companies. Like traffic wardens, they direct you to the bus that will take you to your final destination, that all important hotel that you are going to call home for the next two weeks, or however long you have booked it for.
If you are like me, I refuse to pay the extortionate prices that are charged for the transfers and make my own arrangements to be collected at the airport, a lot quicker and usual I am at the bar before the bus even turns up with the rest of the people from my plane, although 9 times out of 10, the hotel I book isn’t occupied by anyone else from our flight.
What I have never understood, is people who book the same hotel in the same location year after year. It would appear that there are folks out there who like to have their hotel like their favourite pair of slippers – comfy, reliable and won’t give them any irritation. What is the fun in that? One hotel we stayed in actually planted a tree for a couple who had been back to the hotel 8 times in the space of three years, that is dedication, or lack of imagination. The hotel wasn’t that good, we only went back twice, mainly due to its location. But as this couple never went outside the front door to see the sights and sounds, they could have gone anywhere…… Still nowt as strange as folks, my old gran used to say and she was always right.
You are all booked in and then they show you to your room. This is where I have issues, I don’t want twin beds, I booked a double room, I booked a room with a view so putting me in a room with two beds pushed together and the view of the air con units on the roof, is not my idea of a pleasant stay. Usually I descend on the reception, like a bullet out of a gun, but over the years I have found that being polite and somewhat sarcastic, as not many understand the military sense of humour, does the trick and with a few words with the manager, I am promised a better room in the morning.
Other than the stay in the hotel we are currently in, the change is fine and will suffice. At the time of writing this, we are spending our last night in an apartment with a small living area and kitchen facilities, sea views, actually stunning views, which is a double upgrade on the first room we were put in. A small dingey room, with no view and I didn’t fit in the bath just wasn’t going to cut it for the two weeks that we were staying here.
Back to the holiday makers or as I like to call them, noisy, inconsiderate gits, who have kept me awake with their loud chatting, singing, drinking, or alternatively woken me up at stupid o’clock in the morning, singing, shouting and being a general pain in the arse.
I know we are all on holiday, but have some thought for others who are in the building, around the pool, in the dining room and other places where sharing is mandatory.
I can party with the best of them, but normally worry about other people who may be asleep, as I am crawling home in the small hours, full of the local booze and feeling slightly worse for wear, after all they are going to be the ones walking passed your door when you are trying to get your head down!
We move into our own apartment tomorrow, so we will no longer be on holiday. We are living away from the tourist area, a close walk to a small beach. The open top bus drives passed on the main road but as we are away from that it will be like we are amongst the locals, and in a way we will be.
Let the tutting begin for those louts on holiday who make the locals wish that they didn’t have historic buildings, beautiful architecture and stunning scenery. We are visitors to their country, lets respect them and the other holiday makers who are also there to enjoy their two weeks off work.
